If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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