we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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