I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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