I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
