Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
