Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
