you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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