I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
