I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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