I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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