i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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