Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
