you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
