ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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