i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So much rum. So many feels.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
