You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
