Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We had sex on a dog bed..
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
