I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
