i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
