I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
