So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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