Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
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