just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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