Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
