You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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