Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
