You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
