i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
