i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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