I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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