explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
