dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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