So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
