Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
