He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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