Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
