Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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