I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
