Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
