How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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