i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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