get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
