my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
