"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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