Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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