Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
