Umm I'm too high to move.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
