i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
