btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
