3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
