i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
