i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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