first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
