my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
