Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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