apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
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