We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
